Darshan of Swami Krishnananda in 1998

by Swami Krishnananda

30. What We Want

(Darshan given on September 23rd, 1998)

Swamiji: Insects are there. They have got their own communication. They are struggling for existence. All life is nothing but a struggle for existence. Whatever be the type of work or manoeuvre that one does, it is a struggle for existence. You want nothing but to exist, and if that is threatened you can do anything you like to protect yourself. A scorpion has a sting. It wants to see that it must exist. In that wretched condition it wants to live long, so to protect itself it has a sting. We want nothing but to exist.

Suppose everything is there, but existence is threatened. Is it all right? Everything you have got, a multimillionaire you are and very well-placed with good health, everything, but your life is at stake. Is it all right? Then what is the good of everything in the world? To exist is the greatest pleasure. If the existence itself is threatened, then what is the good of anything else? So the most beautiful thing is existence; the most valuable thing is existence. Whatever other things may be there, they cannot give the joy of being permitted to exist. If everything goes, life must continue. If life goes away, then what is the good of all this wealth, kingdom, princehood, and all that?

See the simplicity of our desire. Our desire is very simple. We want to live in any way, under any circumstance. Even a leper, even a person with an incurable disease, wants to live, that's all. To live is to exist, yet nobody thinks of this. They think, “I have got so many responsibilities. I have got family, I have got office, I have got money, I have got authority and power.” When that man's life is at stake, what is the good of all this? When such a situation arises, he will try to see that the threat to his life is removed. You may say that you are a millionaire, you have got a lot of money and gold, your authority is you are a great officer, so why are you worrying? No, all this will go in one second if the life is threatened.

So what is it that we want finally? We want to exist. We don't want anything else but permission to exist, and if that permission is not given, then it is a horrible state of affairs, and nobody can think, also.

You may exist, but what kind of existence do you want? Would you like to exist like a vegetable? No, you don't want that. Would you like to live a long life as a pig? No, we don't want that kind of thing. We want to be existing as a qualitatively superior being. Suppose the whole earth is yours, and it breaks one day by an earthquake, and the whole thing goes. Even the king of the whole earth has gained nothing. One earthquake can break the whole palace, and the king also goes away. So it is not a very desirable thing, even to be a king.

You want to exist in the sense of a permanently secure existence, but there is nothing permanently secure. Even a tree is not permanently secure. The wind can blow and break it completely. Nothing is secure. You do not want the existence of a little insect. You ask for a widened existence. That's why the king wants to expand his kingdom. He thinks that his kingdom is he only, but it is not true. The kingdom is not he. He is a poor fellow, and when the kingdom is taken away, he is like a nothing. But it is a wrong feeling, a wrong superimposition, that “The kingdom is me.” You want an existence that is never threatened by death. That is what you want.

Is there any conceivable existence which cannot be threatened by death? Can you overcome death? If that is possible, the existence is worthwhile. What is the use of existing with all the comforts, etc., when the possibility of death will pursue the person at any time? So deathless existence is what you want.

Now you go further. I cannot comment on this. How will you have deathless existence? When the whole universe is moving in a process of evolution, every minute everything dies. So there is no deathless existence even in the whole universe. Everything changes, and everything is destroyed by the process of evolution. The previous thing is destroyed by the incoming force, and the incoming thing will go by another thing coming. So where are we at this time? What are you expecting finally?

Illimitable existence. We don't want to be confined to our room. We don't want that kind of thing. The widest, widest expanse of my being, and the widest expanse of my being not only for a few minutes, but for a long time. “Suppose I am an emperor of the whole world for one minute only. Is it all right? It is no good. Though I possess the whole earth, one minute has no meaning. It must be endless.” So that means you have to transcend space and time. That is what you want. By an analysis you come to that. You want spaceless and timeless comprehensive existence, which is another name for God.

So understand. Be careful. We are having muddled thinking. Everyone's mind is muddled, and we think we are very great. Even the presidents of the most powerful nations of the world are not safe. Then what is the good of all this? They are struggling for existence afterwards. Same thing.

So I have led to your mind in some direction which will create dispassion in you. An automatic enlightened process of renunciation will arise inside. It is renunciation not of property and family and all that, but renunciation of the very wrong notion of our life itself. That wrong notion of our own existence must be renounced, not renouncing some land and property. “I have renounced everything,” people say. It is not possible. You cannot renounce. That is erroneous thinking. That error must be renounced.