Darshan of Swami Krishnananda in 1998

by Swami Krishnananda

43. Fear of Entering the Cosmic Being

(Darshan given in November 1998)

A visitor: It is not you who are doing it, it is somebody else who is doing it for you.

Swamiji: That somebody else is God.

Visitor: Yeah, that is God doing it. No, but then you should not suffer because God is doing...

Swamiji: You are suffering because you have done a karma, but the karma cannot work without a consciousness behind it. So two things are there. Two things act together. The action that you perform is the reason for your suffering. Now, your action is connected with a consciousness. You know that “I am doing”. Without the consciousness, action cannot produce a result. So that is very important. Action and consciousness are not identical things. They are two different things. Consciousness is universal everywhere. It pushes everybody in the same way, like a bulldozer. But there are particular types of karma which are individualised. You say, “I do something,” and he says, “I do something.” These two consciousnesses are different from each other, due to individuality. But the general push is given by the universal consciousness.

Visitor: Swamiji, the Atman is like electricity.

Swamiji: There is no Atman. You should not bring Atman, and all that. It is ultimate God. The Atman does not do anything. The Atman is only another name for God sitting inside you. There is no Atman like that, separately sitting. There is only one Atman in the whole universe. It is better to avoid that word itself. You don't use that word. It is God working. But God does not work like a paymaster, like a boss. If you walk on the water, you will drown yourself. Now, God is not responsible for that. He didn't ask you to walk on the water. If you touch fire, you will be burnt. These are automatic actions and reactions. God is not saying that you should touch fire, but if you touch fire, you will be burnt. If you climb a tree, you will fall down. That is the law of gravitation. You say there should not be a law of gravitation. If you say like that, then the world cannot go on.

We are suffering due to individual consciousness: I am doing. If you don't feel 'I', then universal action takes place. Then there is no karma, and nobody will suffer. If you believe that everything is done by one person, that one person is including yourself also, so individual action is obviated. As long as you feel, “I am doing,” then you will be caught. Very difficult subject. Now let us forget it. Hari Om.

[Later on]

Another visitor: ...a sense of fear, very intense.

Swamiji: Who is causing the fear?

Visitor: The fear is caused by the feeling to be severed from my own body and identity.

Swamiji: Why do you want to separate yourself from the body?

Visitor: I don't want. I feel like this, Swamiji.

Swamiji: No, why you feel like that? Why do you feel something which is unnecessary?

Visitor: I don't know. This is the problem. I feel so many things that I found to be unnecessary.

Swamiji: Who told you that you have to separate yourself from the body?

Visitor: Nobody.

Swamiji: Then how this idea has come to you?

Visitor: It's not an idea, actually. It's just a result of my practice. Maybe something is wrong with it.

Swamiji: What practice? Let me hear the practice.

Visitor: My meditation is on the Cosmic Being.

Swamiji: You are meditating on Cosmic Being?

Visitor: Yes.

Swamiji: If the Cosmic Being is the object of your meditation, are you sure that there is nothing outside the Cosmic Being? You cannot exist...

Visitor: As long as I can think.

Swamiji: As long as, no. You should not tell two things. The Cosmic Being cannot permit the existence of anything outside it, which means to say, you also cannot exist.

Visitor: Yes, I am included in the Cosmic Being.

Swamiji: Then why are you having fear? Fear of what?

Visitor: Fear of losing myself.

Swamiji: You do not want to enter the Cosmic Being?

Visitor: I think so. I think this is the problem, so I don't know what to do.

Swamiji: You do one thing: Diminish the intensity of your meditation. You should not go too much far away, because your body is telling you: Don't reject me.

Visitor: Yes.

Swamiji: But you are trying to tell the body: I will reject you. This is the conflict. The body is nothing but a bundle of desires. You analyse your own mind and find out if you have got any desires.

Visitor: I do.

Swamiji: How many?

Visitor: Many, many. Many passions are there.

Swamiji: Do you believe that when you enter the Cosmic Being, all the desires will be fulfilled at once?

Visitor: I think so.

Swamiji: Then what is the fear? Why are you saying many, many, many, and all that? All the many desires will melt into a complete fulfilment of experience in the Cosmic Being. All your desires will be fulfilled there. They are not thrown out, they are not negated. Don't have the fear that your desires will not be fulfilled. They will be fulfilled fully, completely. Now you are trying to fulfil the desires, like the pursuing of a shadow. But there you will find the original. You have to convince yourself that the Cosmic Being contains everything you want. There is nothing outside it. All your desires will be fulfilled in one minute. You tell yourself: Why am I afraid? I am entering into the Cosmic Being where, in one instant, I will have all the desires fulfilled immediately. Then what is the fear? But the body says: No, I won't agree.

Visitor: For the body, it is like jumping into an abyss. This is the sensation, the feeling.

Swamiji: How many minutes you are sitting and meditating? How many minutes every day you sit for this?

Visitor: Not so long. No more than an hour.

Swamiji: That is sufficient. Are you doing any work also?

Visitor: Yes, I work the whole day, in television, broadcasting.

Swamiji: So you are busy with this official assignment, and you are giving one hour for meditation. Is there any desire which must be fulfilled, or is there any desire which can be postponed, not a very important thing?

Visitor: Yes, there are both kinds of desires.

Swamiji: If you are hungry, you may eat food. If you want a cup of tea, you can take it. These are not objectionable desires. If you are tired, you can go to sleep. Objectionable desires are those, by fulfilling which, your whole system will become weak. Your energy will be drained off by the fulfilment of certain desires. They are called catabolic desires. They destroy the body. You know what kind of desires they are.

Visitor: Yes, I know.

Swamiji: They are terrible. They should not be fulfilled abruptly like that. But if they are persisting and will not give you peace of mind, and you are restless, there are two ways. Who is your guide in this path? Who is guiding you in the spiritual path?

Visitor: You, Swamiji, I always thought. I always thought it was you [laughter].

Swamiji: My guidance is indirect. Directly I am not guiding you.

Visitor: I know, but...

Swamiji: Actually, this is a very delicate matter. I cannot discuss this in public like that. There are certain desires which you may not like to reveal.

Visitor: No.

Swamiji: But they are very important for you.

Visitor: Yes.

Swamiji: So I won't discuss such things now. Emotional stability is first and foremost. If anything is troubling you in the emotion, it will disturb your concentration of mind and your life – everything. The whole thing will go off. Satisfaction is first, then only meditation. An unsatisfied mind cannot meditate, unless you have such power of will which will assert that: Whatever I want I will get in my cosmic meditations. That requires a very powerful will to set aside every other call in the world. You are not rejecting the call. You are saying: I will get it in that place. It is a supermarket. Everything you will find there. So if you are assured that everything you want in this world also will be found there, then why go to this one? This requires great willpower. The emotions will disturb you. There will be a contradiction between your will and understanding, and the emotions.

Spiritual life is not an easy life. Your understanding must be clear, your will must be strong, and either you fulfil your desire or you try to convince yourself that fulfilling desire here is meaningless because it can never be fulfilled. The more you put fuel into the fire, the more it blazes, so to fulfil desire is not a very worthwhile method. It is a way to destruction of health and peace of mind, etc. If you have such strength of mind, such a strong will as to convince yourself that everything that you want you can find there, then you become a super individual. You are no more a single person. Then the energy will flood you from the cosmos. This requires meditation for a long time.

Little desires you can fulfil, as I mentioned. If you want to go on a tour, go on tour. If you want to go and see a picture show, go and see the picture show. If you want to drink tea, coffee, milk – take it. But there are vitiating desires; they must be tackled very carefully. They deplete your energy. There are two things. There are desires by fulfilling which you increase your energy – like taking a meal, and all that. But there are desires by fulfilling which you become weaker.

What else can I tell you? I have told you practically everything.