Chapter 15: Sexual Impulse Verses Meditation
Miyazawa: During the practice of my meditation, some strong desire, especially lust, is coming in my mind, so I cannot continue my meditation.
SWAMIJI: That is the same thing I was telling this lady in the assembly. What is your desire?
SWAMIJI: Have you got a father, mother, and all that?
SWAMIJI: What is your father or mother doing?
Miyazawa: Now he is maybe retired.
SWAMIJI: What are you doing in Japan?
Miyazawa: I have no job.
SWAMIJI: How is it? Is it difficult to get a job?
Miyazawa: No, it is very easy.
SWAMIJI: Then, why don't you get a job?
Miyazawa: No, my purpose is to continue my study and meditation.
SWAMIJI: Are you under the impression that people who are working in the office cannot do meditation? Is this what you are thinking? Do you think a meditation man simply sits quiet, and for the whole life he will meditate only?
Miyazawa: No, not like that.
SWAMIJI: Then, why don't you do some work?
Miyazawa: Yes, to get a job or not is not so important for me.
SWAMIJI: No, it is important. I am not talking some unnecessary thing. Work also has a connection with life.
Miyazawa: Yes, yes. I know. So, whatever I work, I try to meditate maybe in the working state, also.
SWAMIJI: No, you answer my question. Why are you not doing any work? About meditation, we shall think afterwards. First, you tell me why you are not wanting to do any work. Work and meditation should go together. Otherwise, if you emphasise one side only, the other side will trouble you.
Miyazawa: Yes. The working is only to get some money to maintain myself.
SWAMIJI: No, it is not for money only. It is a necessity of the human personality. Action and thought are two aspects of the human personality. You cannot only think, without doing anything.
Miyazawa: Yes, yes, yes.
SWAMIJI: So, one answer of mine is that you must do some work.
SWAMIJI: Another question is – what is your age?
Miyazawa: Thirty five.
SWAMIJI: You don't want to marry? You have no desire?
Miyazawa: Not so intensely.
SWAMIJI: Anyhow, mildly, at least, it is there. The desire to marry is there.
Miyazawa: Not so strong.
SWAMIJI: Not at all? No, it will become strong afterwards. Why do you want to wait until it becomes strong? That is why it is harassing your mind. If you live continuously at the feet of a great guru, and do whatever he says, then this problem may not arise. If you have no guru, and you yourself are starting to do some meditation, this problem cannot be avoided. The guru has some method of freeing the seeker from troubles of this kind, which is a secret technique known to the guru only, and it is not meant for public demonstration or lecture.
But if that is not possible, you have to follow the normal course of life. You must be living an active life, and there is nothing wrong with living a married life. Married life is not against spirituality, because it is one aspect of the requirement of personality, in the same way as meditation is also a requirement. It is not absolutely necessary that one should marry. You can be without marriage, also; but then, when the trouble arises, you must know how to handle it. So, now you are having only the trouble, without the method of handling it.
Spiritual life does not mean escapism. You escape from the responsibilities of life, and then go to God. That is not possible. The human personality is a structure that is approved by God, and that structure has certain requirements. Inasmuch as you have to pass through this structural pattern of your personality, all the needs of the personalty also have to be taken care of. You do not want to marry, and then you need not eat food, also, afterwards. Why do you want to eat? If one thing need not be done, the other thing also need not be done. So, you want to eat, but not marry. These are two sides of the pressure of human personality.
But, as I mentioned to you, if you have a great master under whose protection you are living, then this problem will not arise. But now you have no guru. There is no master under whom you are sitting and receiving the blessing. Independently you have started some meditation.
I have told you two things; now the third thing: If you are persisting in this meditation, the problem will slowly evaporate, after a long time. Do you understand me?
SWAMIJI: Either you marry, or you have a master, or you wait for the grace of God, and one day the trouble will evaporate. And, don't eat too much. You should eat only once a day. When the body is very robust, it creates all sorts of further desires. Eat once a day only. Don't take dinner in the night, and don't take breakfast, also. But, don't go to extremes in that, also.
Miyazawa: So, my meditation method is...
SWAMIJI: What is your meditation? Tell me how you are meditating.
Miyazawa: It is a conceptual one, but I am sitting and thinking that the whole universe itself is meditating. Like that.
SWAMIJI: It is very good, beautiful. This method is wonderful. Continue this meditation. If you don't want to marry, don't marry. I am not compelling you, but you must work and have friends around you, so that you may have a social life also. If you don't have any social life, you cut off your connection with people, and don't do any work, also, and say, "I will meditate," then it will not be very successful. You have no friends to chat. The chatting also is a necessary thing. It is one food – it is a food for the mind, sometimes. If marriage is a bondage, you need not marry. But, if it is an unavoidability, you can go for it. Or, you wait for the grace from above coming to you. If you are sincere in your meditation, it will take care of itself. How long are you meditating every day?
Miyazawa: Every day, one hour in the morning.
SWAMIJI: And, what are you doing for twenty-three hours? There are twenty-four hours in the day. One hour you are meditating; for twenty-three hours, what are you doing?
Miyazawa: One hour meditating, then some asana and pranayama, then come here and attend darshan, then go back...
SWAMIJI: In Japan, when you go, you will do meditation for one hour?
SWAMIJI: And, for twenty-three hours what do you do in Japan?
Miyazawa: In the morning, the same way – meditation, and a little asana and pranayama, and then some temporary working.
SWAMIJI: Are you doing some work in Japan?
Miyazawa: Yes, but temporary.
SWAMIJI: But even if it is temporary, it is daily work?
SWAMIJI: How many hours do you work?
Miyazawa: About seven hours.
SWAMIJI: It is all right. Even five hours is good. Five hours you work. Have you got friends?
SWAMIJI: Be friendly with people. Go for a walk. Be open and free in your behaviour. Don't be restricted. Many spiritual seekers think that spiritual seeking means that you should not talk also. You will simply sit brooding. That is not proper. You should not put any pressure on your personality, in any way. Anyway, the final word for you is that you go on with this meditation; be a normal man, happy inside, very sociable, friendly with people; do some work; then, finally, everything will be all right in due course of time.
SWAMIJI: This is my answer to you. What is your goal, finally?
Miyazawa: Immersion in the Absolute.
SWAMIJI: You are a great man. I am glad to hear this. If you are really wanting it, you will get it. Are there other people here sitting who want to merge in the Absolute?
Other Visitors: Yes! [laughter]
SWAMIJI: Who is that lady? Janaki? Do you know English language?
Janaki: Yes, Swamiji. I can understand, but I cannot speak anything.
SWAMIJI: You want to merge in the Absolute?
Janaki: Yes, no doubt. Bless me, Swamiji.
SWAMIJI: Yes, it has to come one day.
Janaki: Thank you, Swamiji.
SWAMIJI: Listen, you are saying that you have lust, and all that. Actually, lust means wanting a counterpart, a woman. Do you know that the Absolute includes woman, also? Do you know that?
SWAMIJI: Hundreds of millions of women are there inside the Absolute. [group laughter] What is the problem? Unnecessarily you are worrying! Inside the Absolute there are millions of women, so why are you worrying unnecessarily? I think there should be no problem.
Miyazawa: Yes. The problem, maybe, is confined to one lady, or... [group laughter]
SWAMIJI: No, why one lady? The Absolute will give you millions of ladies. Why do you want one? [group laughter] This is also another trouble. When somebody is going to give you too much, you don't want it. You want only a little.
Miyazawa: No, no. [laughter]
SWAMIJI: You are a very funny boy. Somebody says, "I am a poor man; I want money." "A hundred million dollars I am giving to you. Take." You say, "No, no, I don't want it. I want only ten dollars." Like that if you think, what can I do? You want only ten dollars. That is what you are asking. But the Absolute says It will give you a hundred million dollars or more. You say, "I don't want it. I want only ten." Is it all right?
SWAMIJI: Your problem is an unnecessary creation. Millions of women will come to you. Do you want? [group laughter] No, I am not joking. It is a serious matter. The whole world will melt into what you want, if you so wish. You are thinking that it is a funny thing. It is not so funny as that. The entire earth, heaven, everything will melt into liquid and pour nectar on your body, and nothing will stand before you. Everything that you want will immediately manifest from inside your consciousness. You have some foolish ideas of women and such things, which has no meaning, truly speaking. There is no man, no woman – nothing is there in the Absolute. It is Supreme Perfection, which you want to have by company with somebody outside. It is a psychological defect in the mind. Wanting something outside is due to a defect in the process of thinking. While there, in the Absolute, everything is there at once, the whole heaven and earth will melt down and come to you. Men and women – everything will be there, whatever you want. Do you want it or not? What do you say?
SWAMIJI: Then, meditate more, and don't complain that you want to marry a woman, and all that. These ideas are stupid crotchets. You should remove these ideas from your mind. When you are going to get the whole universe of perfection, why do you want some little thing? All right?
SWAMIJI: Don't have any problem in the future. It is gone. Say "it is gone."
SWAMIJI: Be happy.